


Why didn't you call?

by orphan_account



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Hurt, Hurt Steve Rogers, M/M, Needy Steve, Nightmares, Not A Fix-It, Not Steve Friendly, Phone Call, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Relationship, Realization, Steve's a prideful dick who made a mistake, Steve's not fine without Tony, The one where Tony isn't sad and useless, Tony's fine without Steve, Tony-centric, phone, thanos - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-04 00:07:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10978230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Steve's been watching the phone for days, weeks, months, he doesn't know anymore. He's been waiting for Tony's call, he's bet on it, but it wasn't ringing. He was hurt, but he wasn't going to say anything about it. That would let Tony win.***With the threat of Thanos knocking on the Avengers' door, Steve is forced to go over to Tony to get him on his side for this fight, but it turns out to be less than what he was hoping for.Steve realizes something when he visits Tony Stark.





	1. It's on my heart, call me.

**Author's Note:**

> I've seen so many fanfics of a needy, useless, sad, and dying Tony Stark who caves and phones Steve first, and I've gotten tired of 'em. So, I decided to get together a bunch of Tumblr prompts and put it all together to make a fic where Tony is fine and Steve can go fuck off...Kindly.  
> If you're pro-Steve, I wouldn't say don't read this because it may show Steve in a bad light, but just don't blame me if your feelings get hurt if I smash Steve for being stubborn in the wrong way, although I can agree with him in some ways.  
> :)  
> Also, it starts out with Captain America's thoughts about Tony and what happened, and it's not me dissing Tony because I love him and I am on his team, but it's so you get the best of both worlds, I guess.

    Steve swiped his thumb over the top of the phone, watching it with a burning intensity that made Sam nervous. He didn't really care if the phone rang. Tony had betrayed them, it was plain and simple. He couldn't be trusted, so Sam didn't need the phone to ring. He didn't need Steve to be strung high on that Stark guy that broke him and forced him to chose between the two most important people in his life. So to say that Sam hated the fact that Steve never let the phone out of his sight was an understatement.

  "C'mon, man," said Sam with a sigh, reaching over to snatch the phone away from Steve's grip. "He's gonna call soon enough. He needs you, it's obvious, but we need you, too. So, get off your ass and help with the Avengers."

   "What if he doesn't call?" Steve asks, and he purposefully ignores the rest of what Sam had said because it doesn't matter to him if Tony's not calling him, asking to come back and join the team. The family. "What if he doesn't need me?"

   "Then it only makes the Avengers better," said Sam, and the pain that Steve felt at that made him want to rip Sam up, but he held back and only tightened his grip on the phone. "I liked the guy, I did, but he betrayed us, man. He made us go to war over something that was easily a one-way-out solution. We made the right choice, here, Steve. If he can't see that, I don't think Stark deserves to come back."

   Maybe Sam was right. Maybe he wasn't. Maybe neither of them knew a damned thing about the situation. But Steve didn't want Tony to not need him. Because if Steve needed Tony, Tony would need Steve right back. It was how this worked. So Steve would wait by the phone, waiting, pleading, begging, for it to ring. He'd act like he hadn't been waiting--like he'd forgot about it, because sounding too eager may send Tony flying away again, and he couldn't risk that. 

   "Tony put us in an underwater prison, man," said Sam, crossing his arms and already walking away. "Remember that."

   Steve did remember. He'd always remember. His friends, beaten and bloody, placed in holding cells because Tony Stark dubbed them dangerous. It should anger him, it  _does_ anger him, but not how it should. There was always anger burning in his chest at what Tony did. Tony made a war. Tony forced a decision on them that was obviously a trick, a stupid solution to a never-ending problem. Tony did that. And Steve needed to remember that. He had to, for the sake of his team, for the sake of the Avengers. For Wanda's safety, he needed to be mad at Tony.

   It was all he could hang on to.

***

   Steve has regretted slamming his shield into Tony's chest ever since the first blow. He couldn't stop. Tony had hurt Bucky. Tony had started a war over Bucky. It was only right to cause Tony pain like that. Right? That didn't mean Steve didn't dream about it. But dream was the wrong term-- _nightmare_. Nightmare made more sense. He didn't like seeing Tony in pain, and when he was doing it, it made it worse.

   And he could see it whenever he closed his eyes. Tony, bloodied and beaten on the floor, almost pleading Steve to stop with wide eyes that were full of pain and sadness and anger and selfishness. Bucky's moans of pain were in his ear, louder than before, much louder and longer and bigger than they were in the fight. And everything turned blue as Steve smashed the shield into the ark reactor.

   Steve almost threw up when Tony's hands flew up to his face. Did Tony really think that Steve would kill him? But then Steve could see the situation through new eyes. A birds-eye-view. And he saw it. He saw it all. He saw the pain he had caused, and yet he didn't fully regret it. He saw how he didn't hesitate in turning away from the man who gave him a home and a family, despite the feud they always had. He saw what he did, he saw why Tony would cover his face, but it didn't mean he'd take it all back.

   In his nightmare, he never stopped smashing the shield into Tony's chest. He kept hearing the words  _"So was I"_ with each smash. It angered him more, so he continued to smash, he continued to ruin the suit, to ruin their bond, to ruin any chances of forgiveness. He ruined Tony. And he kept at it. He smashed and smashed and smashed until his arms gave out and he collapsed. 

   Tony was trying to say something, and when Steve looked over, he was bleeding from his mouth, his eyes, his nose, everywhere. Panic. Pure panic. He jumped up, over to Tony, who swatted him away with what little strength he had left.

   "Piss off, Rogers," Tony would always say, and those were always the last words that Tony would say to him.

   He didn't know if he liked the real ones better or not. 

   That's when he woke up. He was sweating, but all he felt was the cold that seeped into his heart at the reminder of the fight. Of the fact that he could've killed Tony. By the fact that he probably would have, if the Arc Reacter was still in Tony's chest. Steve would jump for the phone that he always kept beside his head on the nightstand, checking to see if Tony had called yet.

   He hasn't.

   Steve wouldn't sleep for the rest of the night. He'd clutch the phone to his chest, almost like he was praying that Tony would call because it was on his heart. Because he meant it. He wanted Tony to call, but he didn't know if he wanted Tony to call because he wanted to prove to Tony that he was useless without him. It was selfish, he knew it, but he couldn't help it.

   Tony would never call on those nights.


	2. Weekly Meeting

   Steve never told anybody about the nightmares, about how he dreams of Tony running back into his arms, crying about how he was wrong and weak without him. It was a very, very big guilty pleasure of his, and he never fully enjoyed seeing Tony cry--despite it not being real. He never even told Natasha about them when they had their meetings, but he suspected that she knew.

   Right now, at the early crack of dawn, Steve was waiting for Natasha. Every week the pair would meet up, and Steve would bluntly and desperately ask about Tony, while Natasha hinted at wanting to know how Barton was doing. He was just done his run, so he was sweaty and hot despite the chill that ran with the breeze. He tried not to think about what Natasha would tell him if--she told him anything, that is.

   It was always a gamble when it came to Natasha. She was protective over Tony just as much as she was over Barton or Bruce, and Steve would find that endearing if it weren't being used against him. It was passing the time when Natasha was supposed to be here, and Steve was about ready to pick up his phone and call her, because there was no way he was leaving without  _something,_ when Natasha finally showed up.

   Last time, Natasha had told him that Tony had bought her a whole new wardrobe as a type of apology for making her fight against Barton and for causing her so much trouble. What she didn't mention was that it was also a way to fix himself, little by little, by doing an act of good. He had done so many of those recently that even Natasha had begun to join in on a few of them. Sometimes she did them with Peter or Bruce, as well, and she always enjoyed those.

   She looked good, as always, and Steve could tell it was something new and expensive instead of old and borrowed. It was always a leather jacket, but this time it was tight and green. Her legs were always coated in a black fabric, and this time she wore knee-high boots that made her seem deadlier than normal. Her hair was straight today, and Steve had always preferred the straight hair over the curled, unlike Tony.

   "Rogers," she said with a nod, her hands shoved deep into her back pockets.

   "Natasha," said Steve, deciding it was always better to be friendly than formal now. "You're late."

   "By a second," she said, taking out her hand to tap at her leather watch. "I was helping Tony with something."

  Steve perked up at that, curiosity digging at his heart. "He's up?"

   Natasha nodded, coming to a stop near Steve, leaning her back against the railing of the pedestrian bridge. "He's been waking up earlier for a while now--he's had more of a reason to sleep, I guess."

   As much as Natasha told him, she kept some to herself. She kept the fact of Tony's monstrous nightmares to herself, not wanting to give Steve the satisfaction of his 'enemy' having fears of their last fight. Tony may have been getting better, and he wasn't falling apart, but that didn't mean he was okay, and she refused to tell Steve that. Not now. Not ever.

   "What is it?" Steve asked, taking a step closer to the spy. "Is he drinking less? Spending less time in his lab?"

   "Don't know," she lied, shrugging. "Guess he's getting better. He's not suffering if that's what you want to know."

   She said that every time, and every time Steve waited to hear it, feeling relief and sadness fill him at the same time. And every day the same question came into his mind:  _Does he need me? Or do I need him?_ He never answered that question--he didn't know how he could.

   "Clint's doing fine, too," said Steve, watching the spy's face for any signs of relief--there was some lightness that went back into her eyes, and he took pleasure in being able to bring that to her. "Calls his family a lot, visits them a bit, if he can. They ask about you, you know."

   She smiled, and it was small and tired, but it made sense right now. "They're sweet, and you should feel bad for bringing him into this."

   "It was his own choice, Natasha," said Steve immediately, bringing up his arms to rest on the railing as he looked out over the rushing water below. "Just like it was your choice to join Tony. Or how it was Tony's choice to want to sign the accords, even though he knew it wasn't what was right."

   "If you think that, you're as much of an idiot as Tony said you were," said Natasha, shaking her head, the smile falling now, giving her a sense of power. "What he did wasn't right, but it wasn't wrong, either. He just had more of a moral compass than you did, for once, and he was trying to protect the people. That's all he's ever wanted to do."

   "Tasha, I want to think that maybe he was right, but I can't. Bucky needed to be protected, and if we were to sign the accords we'd be able to--"

   "Help people," Natasha interrupted easily, a hint of venom in her voice as she looked to the side, watching Steve's jaw work. "He was trying to help people. We've caused a lot of trouble when we think we're saving the world, Steve. And I think Tony knows that more than Clint and I could ever understand. We tried to kill people, and he didn't. He never did. You seem to forget that."

   "If we had signed the accords, we wouldn't have been able to go where we were needed," said Steve, and his voice was tight now, as if he were clenching his teeth just to keep from exploding. "It would've been stupid to sign them."

   "It would've been helpful, Steve, not stupid. Besides, just because Tony would sign something like the accords, it doesn't mean he would follow all of the rules. If there were people that needed to be saved, but the accords weren't letting him go, he would do it anyway. I thought that you of all people would know that."

   Steve sighed, turning his head to see that Natasha was still watching him with a sharp gaze. She was trying to search for something, and all he wanted to do was turn around and walk away, but he couldn't. He needed one more piece of information before he could leave. He was working up to asking Natasha this question, and he was hoping to catch her off guard.

   "Has Tony cried?"

   The question did, in fact, catch Natasha off guard, because her eyes seemed to move away from Steve's for only a moment before they came back, this time in a glare.

   "I used to like you a lot, Steve," she said, and Steve already regretted asking the question. "But now, after all that we've been through, I'm beginning to think that maybe I should've left you alone on our first mission."

   Steve opened his mouth to speak, to tell Natasha that she was overreacting to his stupid question, but she pushed herself off the railing and held up a hand, silencing him in a second.

   "I've been trying to read you for months, Steve," she said sharply. "I've been looking for something to show me that you're still the same, but instead I found something disgusting--something that I've been thinking about for a while, now, wondering if it was true. And you just confirmed it, Steve. You don't want Tony to be okay, you want him to be weak and crying and sad and broken. How  _dare_ you want that."

   "Natasha--"

   "Steve, in case you've somehow forgotten, but Tony's only ever wanted the best for you, even in the beginning. He's  _never_ wanted you to not be okay or to be broken, and the fact that this stupid war for the accords is making you think those disgusting things is really making me see that I did chose the right side. You need to get your priorities straight, Rogers, and if I even come and see you next week, you better be happy that Tony is actually okay."

   Natasha let her words sink in for a moment, watching as Steve's face turned from strong to weak, and with a final shake of her head, she spun on her heel, marching away from Steve. 

  And Steve could only watch her walk away, leaving him in the dust with her words swimming around his head, making his heart clench and his stomach turn. He felt like he was going to be sick, and he knew he deserved to feel worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short little chapter, I'm sorry, I know, I didn't update when I should've, but with my brother graduating today and with three essays I have to do for the next week, I've been stressed. But, when I'm supposed to be sleeping, I have written a small chapter for you to enjoy.  
>  :)


	3. Thanos is a Threat

   Steve was scared. He wouldn't say it--that would show weakness in a time where weakness wasn't allowed. But he was terrified. There was news of a new enemy, a guy named Thanos, and the Guardians of the Galaxy, as they dubbed themselves, had warned Steve about it. 

   Once again, for the fifth time in the past thirty minutes, Steve was turning the phone in his hands, this time with a real problem that needed to be solved. Sam was watching like he tended to do after the war against Tony, and it was obvious, while he didn't want Steve to really call Tony, that it needed to be done soon.

   "Hurry it up, man," said Sam, making Steve look up and away from the phone. "We're gonna need the other half back if we want to beat this space guy."

   "It's not that easy," Steve snapped. "It shows that I need Tony."

   "You do," said Sam, rolling his eyes. "It's stupid and you shouldn't, but I'm pretty sure that you rely on Tony to be there for you to snap at."

   Steve opened his mouth to snap at Sam again, to tell him that he was wrong, that he was fine without Tony, but then he realized that maybe Sam was right. He  _was_ relying on Tony to be there so that he could insult someone--maybe he meant it, maybe he didn't, he's never known. It was so obvious that he needed Tony, ever since he left, but he's ignored it in spite of it slapping him in the face many times.

   He looked down at the phone again. He stopped spinning it in his hands, and now he was watching it, almost like he was expecting Tony to hear the news and call him now so that Steve could keep his pride. But Steve didn't have much pride left. Why keep it now when the world was going to end if he kept it? So he flipped it open and place the phone to his ear.

   "Tony? We need to talk."

   It took so long for Tony to answer that Steve was worried he was going to hang up on him. But, when he did answer, Steve felt like he was going to fall off his stool. Sam left him alone.

   "Rogers," said Tony, and his voice was gruff. "I sure as hell hope there's a reason you called me--and, no, you wanting me back is not a real reason."

   Steve wanted to hang up at that comment, wanted to throw the phone away and punch something until Tony left his mind, but then he realized he would've said the same thing, so he took a deep breath and answered Tony. "No, this is serious. I'd only call you if it were serious, Tony."

   "So, what's so serious?"

   "This guy named Thanos is coming to threaten us or look for something--I don't know, the Guardians only told me so much."

   Steve could practically see that Tony was raising an eyebrow. "Guardians?"

   "Yeah, some guys from space. I don't know. I just...I have to talk to you about this. In person."

   "Fine," said Tony, and Steve was hurt that there was no hitch in his breath or pause in his words. "Come over now and we'll get it over with."

***

   Steve's hands were sweating as he rode the elevator up to Tony's floor, so he kept them in his pockets. Tony wasn't there right away, so Steve stood by the elevator doors and looked around the opening room. It wasn't what he wanted to see.

   On the long leather couch was a lab coat thrown over the edge, which meant that Bruce had come back without telling Steve. He wasn't going to lie--that hurt a little bit. There were a gun and a knife on the table in front of the couch, which meant that Natasha wasn't lying when she said that she stayed with Tony despite everything that's happened.

   On the large Tv was a web, which would have been odd if it weren't for Spiderman living with Tony and being taken under his wing. He knew Rhodey was here, even if his crutches weren't leaning beside the elevator doors, begging to be forgotten. It was just a fact that Rhodey would always stick by Tony's side. 

   There were no signs of T'Challa and Vision, but there was an energy in the room in which meant that Vision was near by. They were all probably nearby--in the other room, in a vent, hidden behind the corner--just to make sure Tony was alright.

   And when Tony entered the room, his smile tight but still there, and Steve realized everything in a painful crash.

    _Tony Stark was absolutely fine without him._

His hair wasn't disheveled, the bags under his eyes weren't black and large, he wasn't weak and gray and shaking--he looked fine. Steve couldn't help but look down at his chest. The memory of slamming his shield down into the arc reactor came back to him in flashes, and he had to close his eyes to force it away. That memory haunted him at night, and the simple thought that refused to go away made him loose sleep.

    _If the arc reactor were still in his chest, I still would've done it_.

   "Don't you look like an outstanding outlaw hiding in two places at one," said Tony, spreading his arms. "Didn't really think you'd still be in America--aren't you not allowed?"

   Steve shrugged and kept his face free of any emotion. "Came back for the view. Only for a few days, though."

   "I have a question before we get to all of the 'space villain coming to destroy our world' thing," said Tony, and he didn't wait for Steve to let it pass. "Are you the reason why Nat keeps flying away every week? Or is it some weird Barton thing that I'm not following?"

   Steve licked his lips to give him a second to answer. Did he tell the truth? Or did he lie? "I'm not gonna answer that, Tony--"

   "Right, because you're so noble," Tony cut in, and despite there being no venom in his voice, Steve felt like he just threw a sword right through his heart. "Anyway, you're here to ask me to help you fight off some space guy?"

   "Yeah, pretty much." Steve rubbed the back of his neck.

   "Great, I'm in," said Tony. "But, we're not doing it happily, you got that? It's not gonna be like 'old times'."

   Steve nodded and couldn't help the frown that formed on his face. This was too easy. "Understood."

   As Steve left the tower, he let the sadness of Tony's well-being overcome him.

   _Shit_ , he thought, shaking his head.  _Why? Why do I need him to be crying? Why isn't he?_   _What is wrong with me?_

   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was the last chapter!! I told you it would be short. This chapter was the finale of a small series that is basically making Steve seem like much more of a dick than he really is.   
>  This story has been controversial to some, which is actually very nice because it means that I can express my opinions and see the opinions of others.  
>  So, thank you to everyone who commented or left Kudos or bookmarked this little thing, and whether you liked my 'portrayal' of Steve or not, thanks for checking this out.  
>  (And, for the record, I don't think Steve's really this much of an asshole with dramatically impossible pride issues, but I just had a long week in which Steve was the punching bag for my anger.)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so, small introduction to a small little story about the aftermath of Civil War. I'm on Tony's side, but that doesn't mean I don't see where Steve was coming from a little bit, but that also doesn't mean I like him all that much at the moment.  
>  It's rare for me to find a story or a one-shot where Tony's the strong one, thriving without Steve, while Steve is useless without Tony, despite not seeing how he was useless.  
>  This will probably be a little two-shot or a three-shot, four at max.   
>  I hope you guys like it, and liked this chapter.  
>  Bye! :)


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